Devastation

25 Oct

Devastation.

Devastation

25 Oct

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I am only human.
What do you do when your mate doesn’t want to be your “mate” ?
A pool looms ahead of me- a watery escape?
Yet I have endured so much, been left with nothing on my hands and knees- and managed to stand again.
Why is this time different??  What did I do to deserve… What exactly is.. THIS?!?

My mind is racing, my head is replaying… Over and over and over…
Who says when it ends? One? The other? BOTH?
I am full of questions with no answers.

Did he really love me, enough to love me more than himself?
If our love is the ocean, I am a dinghy, floating because someone has stolen my oars. 
I am looking left and right- left and right, for S.O.S. -

Not a Jason in sight.  He is already gone.

They say your heart dies in love before your body senses the feeling and shows the signs.
The opposite was you. 
Your body pushed itself so far away;  your mind retracted every loving word that had passed your sweet lips…

I cannot be cruel, as badly as I try.

The still of a Florida night wraps itself around me, like  worn and tattered mess of fabric we have become.  Can we stitch the badly worn pieces together with love?  As generic as it sounds, we need mending.

I am not sure you are willing to pay the tailor with your heart.
Love is not always kind, yet I never thought what you did to her- I would receive the same heartless man.  Eyes of black, a shark in our ocean, drifting away from me on a piece of heavy wood- all the burdens that you can no longer carry.

I would carry your cross as far as it would take me.  Love- four letters that carry the weight of millions of lovers; smiling at their brunch table over steaming coffee… Walking hands intertwined on a bed of sand that has felt the weight of thousands upon thousands… A solitary tear as a woman watches her lover close the door, never to return.
The weight of four letters- L O V E.

I want this forever.
My soul cannot carry the weight of one more departure.

That gate is closed.

Love of my heart, man of my dreams, soul of my destiny- I cannot let you slip into the shadows.
My faults I bear are heavy, but our dreams are bigger than the San Andreas…
we hold each other across the divide.

I feel…l o v e.

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